When I look back over my life which is a over 47 years, I cannot help being amazed that I am still standing.
I lost my mother 10 months ago and I always thought that would be the thing that broke me. Although every day is a struggle, I have survived and remaining standing. I would be lying if I didn't share that I have often wished that I didn't wake up anymore. There were times that I prayed that God wouldn't keep waking me up. Sometimes I miss my mother so much, the grief becomes almost unbearable.
The ugly thing about grief is that when you least expect it, you can feel so overwhelmed and sad. Sometimes you cannot even have fun because you immediately think about you want to share that joy with the person that is gone. For example, last summer I was driving and enjoying a beautiful sunset and I thought about my mom and what she used to say about sunsets. She used to say, its the brightest right before dawn. I cried so hard for about 15 minutes and then I prayed to calm down.
On other occasions, when I go a few days of normalcy , I feel guilt, as though I am forgetting about her. Some days it is hard to find balance in being happy and ok versus overwhelmed by grief. Another strange thing, is that I can talk about my mom and memories with people that didn't know and feel fine. However, the thought of talking to someone that really knew her scares me to death. For the last 10 months, I have avoided family and close friends like the plague. I do not want to grieve with other people.
The last 11 months flew by like a blur and I can hardly believe that I made it through. I lived with my mother all my life and never spent a lot of time away from her. I will share in another blog about why that happened. I will say that although, others may find it strange, I don't have any regrets.
Over the course of my blog, I will talk about this grieving process, relationships, wins, losses and some fun stuff.
On this first post, I was moved to talk abut this topic that I feel doesn't get enough attention.
Leave a comment to share how you have or are coping with grief.
Thanks for reading.
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